Status: Ended.

I miss you America.. I really do. Tonight more than ever... I need my mom...or a friend... or my sister...just SOMEONE. A friendship ended tonight.. not my decision.. and not a rational one. Just... Going..going..going..ENDED. I didn't see it coming.. and I am not going to name this person. I know this is dramatic... but one person turning their back on me makes me feel as if California ( my home) is turning their back on me.. I am laughing right now.. partly crying.. but laughing.. knowing this is WAY too dramatic and depressing for one of MY  posts. But facebook makes me sad... seeing everyone move on.. Dramatic again, I know it. But I had such a wonderful night with this family... Christine saying " Good night Carlynette"... this is a nick name being for someone you like.. so I loved this.. it made me feel loved..

"New message on facebook".. in summ...friendship over. shaking from the feeling  of" WHAT THE BLEEPITY BLEEP IS THIS BLEEPITY BLEEP." I honestly haven't cried this whole time... I could easily say this dramatic famous quote " every tear feeling like a bullet".. or something like that.. I don't know.. I look a wreck...and feel as if I am going to barf. I want to wake up christine given that this is the only figure in my CURRENT life that can nurture me.. but she is asleep. I am sad. officially and retardidly sad. I think I can get over it by tomorrow.. but I now feel as if I don't have a home in Cali anymore.. Which I know isn't true.. but when you are lonely in a country you don't know.. this is how you feel... I feel vulnerable.. and I freaking hate it. How can you do that to such a close friend when they are in a different country with NO ONE? To me.. it is heartless.. completely horrible.. But I know I am more caring than the average person.  I am still completely happy with this family don't get me wrong.. but for tonight.. I think I will allow myself a few tears given that a friendship of 10 years has ended. It happened to Ash too... and knowing that I will be seeing her in a week and a half helps... Why do people do this? I know friendships end... but when one is in such a vulnerable state and the other person  knows.. HOW do they do this? Couldn't they wait till I was back in california so I at least had my friends and family...and my freaking cats for gods sake.  This is rediculous for me. I am in freaking France you dumbass... SORRY I haven't been the most available... excuse me! Sorry.. my saracstic bitchyness is getting the best of me.. but I am hurt... and can't go running in the dark...and don't want to eat... so I will type agreessively instead.. Blah blah poopshit boogerbutt terdmuffin.... ugh.. this sucks.Okay, I am better..  But thankfully I have a great friend like ash to comfort me via skype instead of reaching for the baguette... Ahh.. poophead

I am sorry this was sad.. but I have no one but this stupid blog to reach out to. I promise my post tomorrow will be a lot more happy and silly and more myself.. but tonight.. let me be sad that a friendship has ended... and that I spent 200 dollars at forever 21. Hahah

I miss you guys, well, the guys that are still there!
Car

fart fart. <3