My first Freak-out ..of many, I'm sure..

I am having my first freak out..and I don't like it.. But I guess I better get used to it. It freaks me out that I am freakign out too, yah know? Like I am not sure of what I am doing... Which I guess who would know what to expect.. I'm 18.. most awkward age ever ( besides like 1/2 years old since you just fart and can't talk) because I am a kid but also viewed as an adult. Ahh, what the hell. It's becoming real..France thing .. and one side of me is like " HELL FREAKING YEAH, YOU'RE ACTUALLY DOING SOMETHING WITH YOUR LIFE NOW, GO YOU." But then the other side is like " Um. you're dumb. stay in America forever, you loser." It's sorta like Golim in Lord of The Rings... except I don't have multiple personality disorder...so I don't know where I was going with that. Maybe I am freaking out because my mom gave me "the look" today. Like.. " my daughter is growing up and moving away for a year and leaving me." Rawr. I hate when mothers cry.. you know why.. there's some kinda special bond there, and then it makes the (in my case) daughter cry. Blah. Hate crying. Blah.. hate this annoying anxiety. I have no idea what to expect...which is super fun, but super scary. I'm not usually scared of new experiences, I usually have them in the bag... I am scared of the dark..and of intruders...and snakes..and sharks..but not experiences. I feel like I have to grow up so much faster than my highschool peers.. I am about to be a mother (practically). Oh dear god, I need to learn how to cook. Enough venting, until the next time we meet.. I have 8 more days in the Bay Area...This is a weird feeling.